Ramon Bautista Learns To Be A Gasboy

Learn how to be a gasboy with Ramon Bautista.

Manny Poohquiao Interview

English Name

Titser:"what is your name?"
Agapito:"EarlySeven Strikeland" maam!.."
Titser:"niloloko mo ba ako agapito?"
Agapito:"yan po ang pangalan ko sa English..ang filipino name ko is "Agapito Hampaslupa"maam.."

Tagalog Translation

TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?

National Animal

teacher: pedro, ano ang ating pambansang
hayop? nagsisimula ito sa letter "K".
pedro: mam.. KUTO?
teacher: hindi! nagtatapos ito sa letter "W".
pedro: KUTOW?
teacher: hindi! may sungay ito?
pedro: DEMONYONG KUTO?
teacher: GO OUT!!!

What Is Science?

May isang Science Teacher Pumasok sa isang Classroom

Teacher: Okey, our lesson for today is Science, Kristine what is Science?

Kristine: Ah, it's our lesson for today

Suspended

Unang pasok ni Pedro sa school at binig yan sila ng limang tanong. Sa bahay nag tanong si Pedro sa nanay nya

Pedro: nay anong sagot sa no. 1??

Nanay:PUNYETA KA MARAMEKONG GINAGAWA!!!

Pedro:Salamat nay (sinulat ni pedro ang sagot)

(pumunta si pedro sa tatay nya na nasa kubeta)

Pedro:Tay anong sagot sa no.2???
(tatay nya kumakanta)

Tatay:dun sa kubeta dun sa kubeta

(si Pedro punta ngayon sa ate nya. ung ate nya gumagawa ng math assgnment)

Pedro:ate anong sagot sa no.3??

Ate:50 60 70 80 90..

(sinulat ni Pedro ung sinabe ng ate nya. Pumunta nga yon sya sa Lola na kumakan ta sa karaoke)

Pedro: Lola anong sagot sa no.4???

Lola: Dahil mahal KITA!!!!

(si nulat ule ni Pedro ung sagot ng lola nya. pumunta nga yon sya sa kuya nya na kinokopya nya ung paburito nyang Actor in TV)

Pedro:kuya kuya anong sagot sa no.5????

Kuya:I shall return.
(kinabukasan sa school nya tinanong sha ng teacher)

Teacher:Pedro anong sagot sa no.1????
Pedro:PUNYETAKA MARAMEKONG GINAGAWA!!!!!
Teacher:sanmo natutuhan yan???
Pedro:dun sa kubeta dun sa kubeta
Teacher: (GALET ANG TEACHER) ANONG GUTO MONG GRADE!!!!
Pedro:50 60 70 80 90...
Teacher:(Galit) BAKIT MO KO GINAGANITO!!!
Pedro: Dahil mahal KITA!!!!
Teacher:(Galit)SUSPENDED KA!!!!!!!!!!!
Pedro:I shall return!!

Unggoy

TEACHER: Lahat tayo nagmula kay adan at eva

STUDENT: Mam, hndi yan 220.. Sbi ng tatay nagmula daw tayo sa unggoy!

TEACHER: iho, hindi natin pinag-uusapan d2 pamilya mo!

Fraternity Member

FRAT LIDER: balita ko GAY ka daw, 220 b?

MEMBER: Gus2 ko talagang linawin yan, ndi ako GAY! Mga chizmax lang yan galing sa mga chuvanunez na walang ma do sa mga chenilyn nila!

..mga CHAKA EVER!

Sorry Wrong Number

telephone:kkkkrrrrrrrinngggggggggg
yaya:hello po
lalaki:nasaan girlfriend ko
yaya:nasa taas po ser nakikipaglandian po ser
lalaki:patayin mo sila
yaya:opo


after 3 minuites
yaya:ser patay na po sila
lalaki:tapon mo sila sa swimmng pool
yaya:ser wala po tayong swimming pool
lalaki:sorry wrong number

Big Girls Don't Cry

May bakla na umamin sa pamilya na bakla siya. At pag maypipanood siyang teleserye at namamatay ang lead na crush niya siya ay naiyak

Habang nanonood ng katapusan ng isang palabas at namatay ang crush niya hindi siya umiyak . Kasama niya tatay niya

Tatay: WOW anak lalaking lalaki na ah

Bakal: Siyempre tay alam mo sabi ni Fergie Big Girls Dont Cry

Maalaala Mo Kaya Sosyal

Dear Ate Charo,

It’s so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor.You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga.

Eh ‘di I went. But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang.

Would you believe, there’s no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn’t work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn’t make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where I could sit to make kikay. Do you feel my pain na ba?

But wait, there’s more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy’s Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they’re mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there’s an increase in pamasahe ‘di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.

Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It’s so kadiri talaga. I’m forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I’m so inis because it’s so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don’t have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn’t have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.

My gosh, this place is so bulok I don’t know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need or whiteboards di ba? But you know even if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate. Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.Now I’m in my third year na. I don’t want to stay in this place anymore.I don’t give a paki if UP’s the best university here. I’m gonig to transfer to Assumption, where the CRs have liquid soap.

Tnx.

Alzheimers

Namatay ang lola ni Juan kaya pinauwi siya sa Pilipinas ng nanay niya

Juan: Nay ganyan talaga po ang buhay.

Nanay: Alam ko iyan anak sa alzheimers disease lang eh namatay na ang lola mo.

Juan: Eh paanong namatay ang lola kung malilimutin lang siya.

Nanay: Sa pagkamalimutin niya ay nakalimutan na rin niya kung panong huminga!