Twitter Pick Up Lines
1. You sound kind of dumb on Twitter, but I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself in person. 2. (in reply to her posting a cute cat picture) That cat's adorable but nowhere near as cute mine. You should come check her out sometime. 3. (in reply to a drunk tweet) Whoa! Don't Drink-n-Tweet. Not unless I'm there drinking and tweeting with you. 4. You look cute and seem interesting but all your tweets make you sound pretty boring. Two out of three aint bad. (let her reply, "Hey, I'm not boring!" and you respond "Prove it!") 5. (in reply to an "Eating sushi right now" tweet) You're sick! Can you stop making sex jokes over Twitter? This is not the forum. (she'll reply "I wasn't being sexual!" and you keep acting like you don't believe her) 6. You're on twitter an awful lot. I'm sorry you don't have any friends in the real world. (keep playfully teasing her for a few rounds and then ask if she wants to meet up) 7. Ha! Your profile picture is using a Myspace angle. You must either be fat or really confident. (will prod her to saying she's confident... women love being goaded into complimenting themselves) 8. You're a little know-it-all on here. Okay, what do I do for a living? If you get it wrong, you have to take me to dinner. (if she gets it right, you take her dinner... win, win!) 9. Your tweets belay your old soul. Here's hoping you don't have old-looks too. 10. (Tweet your phone number) Shit, I just sent you my number on accident. Can you call it so I can talk to you and make sure I didn't just send my # to a creep. 11. Dude, I have the craziest story, but I can't share it on Twitter. What's your #, I'll call you and tell you about it. 12. How old's that profile picture? It looks like it was taken in the 90s. (She'll send a new one and you keep saying the pictures look old until she agrees to meet) 13. You seem really cool on here. I'd totally hang out with you in person if I wasn't afraid you were a creepy stalker. (she says she's not one... push that button for a few rounds and then say, "okay fine, let's meet but only in public") 14. You Tweet about EVERYTHING. I'd be into hanging out but I'm afraid you'd blab about us on Twitter. (she says she won't, then you take that as a tacit agreement to meet up) 15. I don't think you're old enough to be on here. I'm not sure you can hang with the big boys. 16. Before you ask, no I will not send nude pictures of myself. I don't know you! 17. I feel like I should be really into you, but I'm not. What's wrong? 18. (after Twitter goes down) Dude, they tracked the Twitter outage to your account. Stop crashing Twitter! (keep blaming her, if she buys it, say she can make up for it by going on a date) 19. (She "follows" you) Yo, stop stalking me online! (she'll say she's not stalking you and probably unfollow you... reply "Whoa, now you've hurt my feelings... I've just had people play with me on here before" Then tell her a story about a chick playing with your emotions on Twitter... keep pushing for her to reply, "I wouldn't do that!"... then you're in) 20. I'm switching to a new account and I told all the cool people what it is. You think you can hang? (she'll say she doesn't care at first, then she'll beg to prove herself... then on the new account, you're in) | |
Tik Tok by Kesha Parody
Funny Lyrics
Wake up in the morning looking greener than Shrek
Sleeping in a tub can really mess up your neck
Before I leave I stop and vomit up tequilla and glitter
Im spending every morning with my head in the s**tter
Got vomit in my hair
But Im way too sick to care
Now Im fallin down the stairs
I pull myself off the floor
Then Im almost at the door
But my family is waiting for me
Oh crap not again
Its an intervention
Its cool Im fine
I can stop at any time
DAD
Thats a lie
You wont try
Now youve made your mother cry Look!
MOM
O o o o O o o o
KESHA
Im outta here
This is queer
I just drank a couple beers
MOM
Dont leave
We love you
We even hired Dr. Drew
DR. DREW
This pattern
needs to end
KESHA
I think I have to puke again
O o o o O o o o
KESHA
So, I decide to stay, but my head is still reeling
Then they all go down the line talkin bout their feelings
BROTHER [reading]
It makes me sad when I see brush your teeth with Jack
Also you borrowed my gold bike and never gave it back
DAD
Stop showing off your butt
Youre making young girls act like sluts
And youre starting to get a beer gut
DR. DREW
This behavior is a dead end
P. Diddy is not your friend
Youll end up like Lindsay Lohan
L-L-L-L-Lohan
KESHA
This is whack
I feel trapped
DR. DREW
We just want the old Kesha back
KESHA
Screw you
Dr. Drew
And your stupid camera crew
MOM
Hey you
dont have to shout
We're just trying to help you out
O o o o O o o o
KESHA
Okay
Its time you know
This is just a video
I dont drink
Or pee in sinks
Thats just what I want my fans to think
Its all an act
And in fact
Its even in my contract
FAMILY
O O O O O O
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