Use In A Sentence

Use DEDICATE in a sentence..
pag ginamitan mo yan ng glue 4 sure
DEDICATE yan..
How about CONTINUE ..
kahapon ang dami dami nyo bkit ngayon ang CONTINUE..
Idagdag pa ntin ang VIOLET...
Naholdap yung cellphone ko,
di bale I'LL VIOLET..
eto pa OPINION...
papasok ka sa pinto OPINION..
eh ang CONCLUSION...
syempre, d ka nman mkakapasok sa pintuan CONCLUSION..

Ethnic Tribe (Katutubo)

Katutubo1: mag-iingat ka syong bbaybayin na daan dahil ito'y mpanganib.. Kunin mo itong gamot sa kagat ng ahas baka sakaling ika'y makagat.. Kunin mo tong isang bote ng hamog dahil ito'y nakakatanggal ng uhaw at gutom.. Dalhin mo ang balaraw na ito ng ating mga ninuno upang maprotektahan ka laban sa mga mababangis na hayop.. Natandaan mo pa ba ang daan anak ko?

Katutubo2: opo, basta text text nalng if ever!

Katutubo1: ok bsta miscol mo me pag fil mo na lost ka.. tc! :p

Sardines

NANAY: anak igisa mo yung sardinas para may ulam tayo
ANAK: Opo. Kakaliskisan ko pa po ba ang isda?
NANAY: ay tanga!, ....

Natural para masarap!

10 Fruits

Ang sampung prutas

May 3 hunters na nahuli ng mga cannibals sa
gubat. dinala sila sa harap ng tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo.
nagmakaawa yung mga hunters. naawa naman yung chief.

Chief: sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa
isang kondisyon. Kailangan isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong
prutas. dalhin nyo iyon dito at saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.

naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. unang dumating si Pedro,
dala-dala'y 10 oranges.

Chief: ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na iyan sa iyong puwet.
kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. konting ngiwi o ngiti lang ay
pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.

unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napasigaw agad si Pedro. agad
siyang pinugutan ng ulo. sunod na dumating ay si Juan, dala-dala'y 10
lansones. tuwang-tuwa siya ng in-explain sa kanya nung Chief kung ano
ang kailangan nyang gawin.

Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang maliit na prutas
ang kinolekta ko. naipasok ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng
walang problema. ngunit nung asa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang
napatawa. pugot-ulo agad si Chief.

pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan nakita niya si
Pedro. nagkausap ang dalawa.

Pedro: sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit habang ginagawa mo
yung utos. isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! buhay ka pa sana
ngayon. ano bang nangyari sayo?

Juan: pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga lansones. kaso, nung
matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Jose -- may dala-dalang 10
langka!

Respect

Tatay: Juan kamusta naman sa school nyo?

Juan: ayos naman po itay.

Tatay: eh wala naman bang ng aapi sayo sa school?

Juan: ha! ako aapihin iginagalang po ako sa school namin tuwing dumadating ako...

Tatay: paanong pag galang?

Juan: sumisigaw sila ng "MABUHAY ANG MAHAL NA REYNA"

Flowers

Farmer:Lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na. Anong balak mong itanim sa sakahan mo, anak?

Anak:Flowers, papa! Madaming madaming flowers!

Sunog

Boy, nahulog sa septic tank, sumigaw: SUNOG! SUNOG!

Dumating ang bombero, niligtas sya.Tinanong "bakit "SUNOG" ang cnigaw mo"?

Boy: Kung TAE ba cnigaw ko, pupunta kayo? TAE! TAE! Ganun!?

Divorce

Wife: Maghihiwalay na tayo!

Husband: Ok, akin ang Bahay!

Wife: Akin ang Farm!

Husband: Akin ang Kotse!

Wife: Akin ang Driver!

Husband: Pwes, mag kakamatayan tayo, matagal na siyang akin!!

Three Wishes

Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo ako, may 3 wishes ka!
Man:

UNA Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax;

PAGALAWA powerful, pero di halata;

PANGATLO notorious, pero wala sabit.

Genie: Okay, mula ngayon ikaw na si PING LACSON.

Gay Bar

nanay: anak balita ko nakita ka ni kumare sa gay bar.
ano nakita mo di mo dapat makita?

anak: nay soory po.

nanay: ano nakita mo dun?

anak: si tatay po nandun... ang landi... tumitili pa nga po...

Meaning Of Sex

ANAK: Inay ano ang sex?

INAY: Iyan ang ginagawa ng mag-asawa upang ipadama nilaang pagmamahal nila sa isa't isa.

ANAK: Ang haba naman, paano kakasya yan sa application form?

Second Generation Fil-Ams or Pinoys

You understand a lot of Tagalog, but can hardly speak it.

Make fun of your parents' accents.

As a child, you were totally embarrassed to eat spaghetti with sliced hot dogs in it. Now, there is absolutely no way you will eat spaghetti without the hot dogs. In fact, you suggest to your non-Filipino friends that hot dogs make spaghetti taste better.

As a child, you hated being Filipino.

Now, you wear Pinoy Pride T-shirts.

You still wear Tsinelas (slippers).

You still take off your shoes when entering a house.

(Southern California) You've ever lived in Baldwin Park, Carson, Cerritos, the ghetto part of L.A., West Covina, Walnut or Diamond Bar. (Northern California) You've never lived in Union City.

You don't steal things (e.g., towels, soaps, tissues, cups) from hotel rooms like your parents did. And when you do take things, you deny that the action is not a Filipino trait.

You don't care if a T-shirt was made in the Philippines or the USA. As long as it has a designer label on it, you'll wear it.

You like shopping in small Filipino markets or the 99 Ranch, but you can't stand the way it smells in there.

As a child, you cursed your mom for feeding you Sinigang and Adobo all the time, instead of eating at McDonald's once in awhile. Now, it's a special treat when your mom cooks Sinigang or Adobo.

You know how to cook at least one Filipino dish.

You know what fried Tuyo smells like.

You don't go to church anymore.

Diniguan ("black chocolate" dish) still grosses you out.

You still exhibit "tightwad" traits like buying a small soda (instead of medium or large which costs 20 cents more) when it's all you can drink.

You'd rather wash dishes with your hands than use your dishwasher because it wastes more water.

You still like Lumpia and Pansit.

You say Paanset (American pronunciation) instead of Pansit.

You still like Lechon but the pig's head still freaks you out.

You still find Balut disgusting.

You think you're all that when you go back to the Philippines because you don't speak with an accent, your skin is fairer than the natives', and you have cool clothes - not hand-me-downs from relatives in the States.

You think all Filipino (VHS) movies are funny, even when the movie is a drama.

You actually believe that you could become a Filipino movie star back home because you think you're better looking than the Filipinos back home.

You can't stand to look at pictures of you as a young child because you looked like a Fob. (Hey, you were a Fob!

You're disappointed at American parties where the only food to eat are small finger-type foods with names you can't pronounce. (How about those vegetable sticks? Yuk!) You're even more disappointed when there is meat being served, but no rice!

You eat Kentucky Fried Chicken with rice. Screw the biscuits!

You still call your grandparents Lolo and Lola.

You dare not bring Balikbayan boxes with you when traveling back home! One suitcase will do just fine.

Sometimes your Filipino accent comes out accidentally and you get embarrassed about it.

Your non-Filipino friends and coworkers ask you if you've ever eaten dog.

Your college major was in computers, engineering, nursing or business. Filipinos don't major in philosophy, literature, history, sociology and other liberal arts. There's no money in it!

You think that President Marcos is still the Philippine president. Do you know who the current president is?

You still eat Pandesal with butter, Vienna sausage, or eggs.

Your friends and coworkers don't call you by your Filipino nickname (e.g., Popoy, Bong, Jhun Jhun), although your family members and relatives still do.

Your parents' house still have the furniture you grew up with.

Although there are now creative ways to eat Spam, you still like it the classic Filipino way - fried with rice and ketchup. Same with corned beef except without the ketchup.

Donut Please

Pinoy goes to order breakfast at a coffee shop in Manhattan...

Waiter: "What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?"
Pinoy: "No... Big cup! Big cup!"

Waiter: "What would you like for your breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Hameneggs."

Waiter: "And how do you like your eggs, sir?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much."

Waiter: "No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked."

Waiter (with increasing impatience): "Would you like your eggs... fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?"
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): "Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled."

Waiter: "And what bread would you like?"
Pinoy: "Begyurpardon?"

Waiter: "What kind of bread would you like... white? rye? whole wheat? toast?"
Pinoy: "Pan Amercano..."
Waiter: "We don't have that..."
Pinoy: "Okey. Gib me Taystee..."

Waiter: "We don't have that either, sir..."
Pinoy: "Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?"

Waiter: "Sir, you are wasting my time... I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?"

Pinoy: "Donut plis..."

Vacuum Salesman

Kumatok ang isang ahente sa bahay. pagbukas ni misis ng pinto, agad pumasok ang ahente
at ikinalat sa sahig ang ebak ng kabayo.

sabi ng ahente: Mam, pag hindi nalinis ng
Vacuum cleaner ko ang kalat... kakainin ko ang mga yan!!!

Misis: ay putang ina ka!!! umpisahan mo na pagkain niyan at BROWNOUT kami ngayon

How To Spot A Filipino

You point with your lips.
You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!
Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."
Your house has a distinctive aroma.
You smile for no reason.
You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
You go bowling
You play pusoy & mah jong
You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
You add an unwarranted "H" to your name (i.e., "Jhun," "Bhoy," or "Rhon.")
You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
You like everything that's imported or "state-side."
You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made.
You hang your clothes out to dry.
You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
You always offer food to all your visitors.

VOCABULARY:
You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
You "open" or "close" the lights.
You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
You ask for a "pentel pen" or a "ball pen" instead of just a pen.
You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."
You say kodakan instead of "take a picture."
You order a "McDonald's" instead of a "hamburger" (pronounced ham-boor-jer).
You say "Ha?" instead of "What?"
You say "Hoy!" to get someone's attention.
You answer when someone yells "Hoy!"
You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
You say "for a while" instead of "please hold" on the telephone.
You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
You say "aray!" instead of "ouch!"
Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting, "DOM" for dirty old man and "TNT" for, well, you know.
You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
You pronounce the following words:"hippopo-TA-mus," "com-FOR-table," "bro-CO-li," and "Mongo-mery Ward."
You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
You say "Uy!" instead of "Oops."

HOME FURNISHINGS:
You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed to a conventional broom.
You have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in your living room wall.
You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room wall.
You own a karaoke system.
You own a piano no one ever plays.
You have a tabo in the bathroom.
Your house is cluttered with burloloys.
You have two or three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of it.
You have a rose garden.
You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.
You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living room.
You own a "Barrel Man" (shwing!)
You have a parol hanging outside your house during the holidays.
You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.
Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.
You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
You refer to your VCR as the "Beyta-Max."
You have a rice dispenser.
You own a turbo broiler.
You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.
You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the strings.
You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the dining room.
You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.
You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats.

AUTOMOBILES:
You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "chedeng."
You own a huge van conversion.
Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it's in reverse.
Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
Your car has curb feelers on it.
You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
You have those air fresheners in a bottle.

FAMILY:
You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."
You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or cousin.
Your dad was in the navy.
Your mom or sister is a nurse.
You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
Your parents call each other "mommy" and "daddy."
You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself (i.e., "Deng-Deng," "Ling-Ling," "Jong-Jong" or "Bing-Bing.")
You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.
You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.
You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
You dip bread in your morning coffee.
You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto."
Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.
"Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.
You bring baon to work every day.
Your baon is usually something over rice.
Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
You eat rice for breakfast.
You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.
You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.
You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale "toyo circles" on them.
You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.
You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.
You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
You know that "chocolate meat" isn't really made with chocolate.

Erap's Letter

To My Countrymen

Dear peoples from di Phillipines,

As you are already informed via the internit, you should all be fully in awareness that I am going to be the next President of the Philippines. Now I know all the votes are not yet fully counted, but who cares about counting all the votes? You've seen one ballot, you've seen them all. Trust me, they all look the same.

I am in knowing that many of you peoples here have somethings in reserved against me, and also thats many of you often make fun of me. So plees, plees let me re-insure you that I am not the man you are thinking I am. Many of the mudslingings about me from my opposers are lies, or things that are in the past. And I am not as stoopid as you beleive. I know how to subtract 2 plus 2, I can spell english better than Dan Kwayl, I know about economics and the law of sublime and demand.

Underneath this barong, pantalon, and leopard briefs, is a man who knows what to do. You only need to ask the many women who have seen me and been with me naked to confirm this truth. I know what to do for our nation. I will do everything inhumanly possible to carry our nation into the dawn of the new century, the 2000th century. I want to make sure that when I am over my term, that the economy will have improved from all the money that I will have circulated into my pockets.

In conclustion, I would like to close by saying to you peoples, to please respect the will of the Philiphino voters, forget about parties and politics, and unite behind my back.

Thank you.

President-erect of the Philippines,

Joseph "Erap" Estrada

Toothpick Tragedy

Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.

Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!

Body Organs

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge !!

Correspondent

Anak: Tay, ilan "r" ng correspondent?? isa o dalawa???

Tatay: Tatluhin mo na para sure!!!

MMDA Traffic Ticket

MMDA(with pen and ticket) to a traffic violator

MMDA: name?

Foreigner driver: Wilhelm von Corgrinski Papakovitz

MMDA: Ahh.. Next time be careful ha