agong salta sa America, yung Pinoy ay gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas kaya dinayal yung "0 for Operator".
Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Because, A as in Airport agen, N as in... Enemy, Q as in... Cuba, U as in... Europe, E as in... Important and L as in... Elephant.
Telephone Operator
Bisaya
Napansin nung Tiyo na yung kaniyang pamangkin na bagong salta sa America ay umiiyak sa tabi ng kaniyang nakatumbang bisikleta sa tabing daan. Tanong tuloy nung Tiyo, "Hijo, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Sagot nung pamangkin, "Angkol, Angkol..." Madaling kinorek nung Tiyo yung kaniyang pamangkin, "Hijo, ikaw ay nasa America na. Hindi Angkol... Angkel!"
Tinuloy nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikol..." Madali muling kinorek nung Tiyo yung kaniyang pamangkin, "Hijo, nasa America ka na. hindi Bysikol ang tawag diyan... Bysikel".
Muling tinuloy nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikel to buy some Papsikol..." Madali na namang kinorek nung Tiyo, "Hijo, hindi Papsikol - Papsikel!"
Tinuloy ulit nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikel, to buy some Papsikel... en den I pel... now I heb a Bukel..."
Chocolate
Babaeng Tsokolate
Bata: Ale pagbilhan nga po ng babaeng tsokolate.
Ale: Meron bang babaeng tsokolate.
Bata: Meron po. Yon bang tsokolateng may MANI!!!
Batibot
Naaalala nyo pa ba ang mga paborito ninyong Batibot Characters? Sina Kuya Bodgie, Ate Sienna, Manang Bola, Pong pagong, Kiko Matsing at marami pang iba. Panoorin nyo ang special segment tungkol sa Batibot reunion.
Pinoy Business Names
Wash & Carry (laundromat on Dian Street, Makati near Cash & Carry)
Washing Well (laundromat)
yehey.com (Yahoo clone)
Your Best Vet (veterinary clinic)
What's Disc? (novelty CD kiosk, Megamall)
Wrap and Roll (lumpia outlet, Quad, Makati).
The Way We Wear (boutique)
Tio Paeng Longganisa Stand (Pampanga)
To Home It May Concern (furniture shop in Caloocan)
Tree's Company (artificial plant store, Pasay Road)
Triple Bee (restaurant)
Fagoofyt (a children's hair salon on J.
Elizalde Avenue in BF Paranaque)
Felix the Cut and Going Straight (a hair
straightening salon in Megamall)
D'Scalp (a barbershop on Evangelista
Street in Makati)
Curl Up And Dye (beauty salon)
Cutis (hair and skin clinic on South Superhighway);
Beefer 150 (meat shop)
Common Cents Store (sari-sari store)
Happy Birthday Toyo (a soy sauce brand in the 70's)
The Fried of Marikina ( fried chicken shop)
Elizabeth Tailoring
Leon King Video Rental (Las Pinas)
Fernando Pe's Box Office Hits (video rental shop in Busuanga, Palawan)
Pinoy IQ Test
Q: What's the difference between a kiss, a car, and a monkey?
A: A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear, a monkey is you my dear.
Q: What will happen to a wooden car with a wooden wheel and a wooden engine?
A: It wooden start.
Q: Bakit intsik ang kinikidnap hindi bumbay?
A:Kasi pag bumbay, ang bayaran ng ransom ay hulugan, sa intsik cash!
Q: Why is breastmilk still best for babies?
A: It's fresh and contains antibodies for protection against infection. The best is that it comes in a very attractive container!
Q: Why should we not pass judgement on Monica Lewinsky?
A: Kasi "NAPASUBO LANG SIYA!"
Q: Ano mangyayari kay tweety bird kapag uminom siya ng viagra?
A: Magiging BIG BIRD.
Q: Ano ang difference ng bading at cannibal?
A: Ang cannival kumakain ng ka-URI, ang bading kumakain ng ka-ARI!
Q: Ano ang pagkakatulad ng sex at insurance?
A: Habang tumatanda ka, tumataas ang presyo.
Q: Ano ang sinabi ni Satanas nang ipanganak AKO?
A: "Lintek! Isa na namang anghel ang ipinanganak."
Q: Ano naman ang sinabi niya nang ipanganak KA?
A: "Oh, no! Hindi puwede ito! Ayoko pang mag-retire!"
Q: Ano ang sabi ng bangus nang mamamatay na siya?
A: I'm daing!
Q: Ano ang sabi ng isda nang hiwain siya sa gitna?
A: I'm tuna (two na).
Q: Bakit mas matataba ang mga may asawang lalaki kaysa sa mga walang asawang lalaki?
A: Kasi ang mga walang asawang lalaki, pag-uwi, titingnan ang laman ng ref niya at kapag walang nakita, humihiga na lang sa kama para matulog. Ang may asawa, pag-uwi, titingnan ang kama at makikita ang misis nila, pumupunta na lang sa kusina para buksan ang ref nila.
Q: Ano ang pinagkaiba ng lalaking tumataya sa lotto at ang lalaking nakikipag-away sa misis niya.
A: Mas malaki ang tsansa ng lalaking manalo sa lotto kaysa sa pakikipag-away sa misis niya.
Rebels
Dati, dito sa pinas, kung gusto mong mag rebelde, akyat ka sa bundok.
Ngayon, kung gusto mong magrebelde, akyat ka na sa HOTEL!
Di ba sosyal na?
English Song Titles Translated To Tagalog
Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know! - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!
You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga!
Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan
Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga
Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit
Hurt So Good - Array, ang Sarrap!
Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso
I Left My Heart In San Francisco - Walang akong Puso ngayon
King And Queen Of Hearts - Tong-itan at pusuyan!
Pretty Woman - AKO yun o kaya'y di ikaw yun!
Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas! Barabas!
Power Of Love - Buntis
How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang sa iyo
Three Times A Lady - Super Bakla
More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)
Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon
Pampers
Kapag umiiyak ang baby, i PAMPERS mo!
Kapag umiiyak pa rin, i KIMBIES mo!
Pag ayaw pa ring tumigil sa pag-iyak aba'y, i HUGGIES mo na!!
Division
Sa Math Class…
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang
piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hnati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING na po! GINILING!!!
Japanese Translations
Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!
Algebra
MR DANILO: "I am your teacher, I am good in three languages."
PIKAW: "What are the subjects you're good at?"
MR DANILO: "Oh, I like Math and English."
PIKAW: "How do you say 'good morning' in Algebra?"
Alcoholic Writes A Letter
Beer dad,
Gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kahit kelan. Tanduayan mo yan.
Your son,
Miguel
Pinoy Names Translated In English
Mga pangalang Pilipino isinalin sa Ingles
1. Restituto Fruto - Tutti Fruti
2. Casimiro Bocaycay - Cashmere Bouquet
3. Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
4. Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease
5. Alfonso De Asis - Alzheimer's Disease
6. Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
7. Francisco Portero - Frank Porter
8. Juanito Lakarin - Johnny Walker
9. Esteban Pagtakhan - Stevie Wonder
10. Leon Mangubat - Tiger Woods
11. Burgos Hari - Burger King
12. Ligaya Almundo - Joy To The World
13. Maria Natividad - Mary Christmas
14. Ligaya Anonuevo - Happy New Year
