Kassem G gets the opinion of people in Venice, Beach about their New Year's resolution:
Californians Thoughts On New Year 2010
Californians Thoughts On Tiger Woods
It's On!! Finally, Kassem G asks people on their thought on Tiger Woods. Very Funny!
Chocolate Rain Song
One of the best and funniest songs on youtube with more than 45 million viewers and remixed into different genres of music! This song is sang and composed by Tay Zonday who looks like Jemaine Jackson.
Watch the Cherry Chocolate Rain (Chocolate Rain Rap Remix)
Californians Thoughts About Marijuana Legalization
Kassem G strikes again with his interviews with people in Venice Beach about drugs and legalization of Marijuana.
Califonians Thoughts on 2012
Comedian Kassem G visits Venice Beach and asks California people on their thoughts about the end of the world and 2012. Very Funny
Brothel
Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday, and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out happy and smiling.
One day they became curious and decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys, and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and tell her that they are curious as to what goes on inside.
The Madam thinks for a moment, shrugs, and says, "Do you have 5 dollars?" Both boys dig deep into their pockets and come up with a total of 50 cents.
She says, "OK, that will have to do," as she proceeds to lift her skirt and pull down her panties. She tells both boys to take a sniff, which they do. She closes the door and the kids proceed home. About halfway down the block one boy turns to the other and says, "Ya know Joey, I don't think I coulda stood 5 dollars worth of that."
To Become A Doctor
Teacher : What do you want to become????
Sam : Doctor...!!!!!
Teacher : Why????
Sam : Because its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes & ask her Husband to pay 4 it....!!!!
Poker Face Acapella
UCB's Noteworthy performing "Poker Face" featuring Brian Wang and Joey Goodknight. This is so funny as hell! Great production.
New Melanie Marquez & Alyssa Alano Quotes
Mga bagong banat ni Melanie Marquez at Alyssa Alano:
-- I'm sick of tired.
-- True good to be true
-- When it rains, it's four
-- Once in a new moon
-- Please don't make fond of me
-- The more you hate, the more you laugh
-- Alma Mother
-- Keep your mouth shock
-- It's just the tip of the icing
-- Connect me if I'm wrong
-- I hope you don't mine
-- I wanna portrait the role
-- The nerd!
-- Will you please give me alone?
Karera
DOY: Ganda ng rolex mo, ah..
BOK: Napanalunan ko sa karera..
DOY: Talaga? Ilan kayong tumakbo?
BOK: Tatlo lang. Yung pulis, yung may-ari at ako.
The Secrets of Being Young
The secrets of being young:
Sleep the right number of hours,
Go with the right crowd,
Eat the right food
And tell the wrong age.
Wanted Boyfriend
WANTED BOYFRIEND:
1. Pleasing PESOnality
2. Good CARacteristics
3. Good family BANKground
4. Good MONEYrism
5. Of course, very CASHual.
May kilala ka ba?
Sikat
There are only three ways para sumikat ngayon:
ONE: Magkaron ng A(H1N1) virus,
TWO: Gumawa ng scandal,
THREE: Maging jowa ni Aling Dionisia.
Lamok
Adik1: Kanina pa nakadapo yang lamok, bakit di mo patayin?
Adik2: Hinihintay kong mabusog para pag hahabulin ko siya,
Magkakaappendicitis siya.
Urine Test
ANAK: Tay, urine test ko raw bukas.
ITAY: O, anong problema?
ANAK: Anong gagawin ko?
ITAY: Tanga ka ba? Eh, di magreview ka.
Manok Baboy Gulay at Prutas
BOY: Ang manok, baboy, gulay at prutas.
GIRL: Hmp! Alam ko na yan nagmamahalan na,tayo nalang ang hindi pa.
BOY: Hindi, lahat yun natikman ko na, ikaw nalang ang hindi.
Worst Rap Song of All Time
This is so funny! a song called "Let me take you to the movies" by Bangs from Sudan.
Japan
If there is one nation in the wolrd that does the craziest and the weirdest of the weird, I would consider Japan the wackiest nation on earth!!! They are the original jackasses in the whole planet and have the sickest and out of this world activities (nice picture huh?) hahaha. I hope to entertain you with some more soon. In Japan you would find the most outrageous fashion, the most coolest gadgets around, the craziest recreational activities including some really funny TV programs. The picture speaks for itself. Hmm... It makes me wonder if that was the effect of the A-bomb on their brains? other than that they are considered very creative minded and that's the reason we have Animes and Japanese cars around.
Dirty IQ Test
Questions:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Answers:
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!
Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
Gold Medalist
Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.
The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."
The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."
The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."
She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."
"How so?"
"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."
Michael Jackson
little boy : mommy is god a girl or a boy?
mommy: God is both girl and boy
little boy: mommy is god black or white?
mommy: God is both black and white
little boy: mommy is god gay or straight?
mommy: God is both gay and strait
little boy: mommy is God Michael Jackson?
Amazing Mascot Dance
This mascot woes the crowd at a local school basketball game.See his great moves by watching the video below:
Mr. Shooli In Wowowee
Funnyman Jun Urbano as Mr. Shooli is guest at Wowowee. He said he studied at Ateneo de La Salle haha very funny! He also sings "What A Wonderful World" - by Louis Armstrong
Meet The Toughest Cop In The World
Will Ferrell meets the toughest police officer around. This is from Funny or Die's top rated videos of all time. Enjoy!
Paranormal Activity Parody
This is one of the most intriguing parodies of 2009. From Funny or Die comes "Sexual Activity" the much laughed about comedy take to "Paranormal Activity"
SEXUAL ACTIVITY - Movie Spoof - watch more funny videos
Grass Sandwich
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
The Best of Bling Bling Crackhead
Bling Bling Crackhead,the famous star of Bumfights videos and a certified crackhead.Do not try to imitate this guy kids and stay away from drugs. You don't want to end up being like this guy someday. It is just so funny that these are intended for entertainment purposes only.
Bling Bling Crackhead Raps
Bling Bling Crackhead renews baptism vows
Bling Bling Crackhead's vegas oddventures
Introducing Bling Bling Crackhead
Bling Bling: Bling A Long (the bling bling crackhead dvd)
Girl Buys Condoms For Her Man
This video about a girl asked by a guy to buy condoms in a local convenience store and ends up seeing her old Science teacher. Very funny and embarrassing.
Funny McDonalds Resume
This is an actual resume sent by a 17 year old to apply for a job at Mickey D's and was hired because of his honesty in his CV.
Peanut Butter Jelly Time
An obese kid dances and gets jiggy to the peanut butter jelly song. This was one of youtube's original viral videos with 12 million views to date.
Nobody But You (Wondergirls) Dance Showdown
Funny video of Korean guys dancing to the tune of Nobody But You by the Wondergirls
Wondergays of Thailand
Moymoy Palaboy & Roadfill
Funny Breast Cancer Ad
Gorgeous celebrities stars in a funny breast cancer research ad.Starring Alyson Hannigan, Emily Deschanel, Kat McPhee, Minka Kelly and Jaime King. Brought to you by Her Energy.
Most Watched Funny Video (The Landlord)
Will Ferrell's 2007 funny video "The Landlord" is one of the most watched web clip of all time with viewers soaring to a record number 66,412,011 views as of October 2009.This video is found at the Funny or Die website.
The Landlord from Will Ferrell
Tuko As Michael Jackson
Comedian Tuko in a Michael Jackson get up and sings "One Day In Your Life" and "Heal The World".
Just Dance Parody
Nara Farrell as Lady Gaga in their funny parody of the song "Just Dance" renamed "No Pants"
Thriller Dance Tribute To Michael Jackson by Philippine Inmates
Thousands of inmates in the Philippines pay tribute to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson by dancing to some of his most popular hits like Ben, Thriller and I'll Be There.
Moymoy Palaboy Versus Mokmok Palabok
Youtube sensation Moymoy Palboy battles against bubble gang cast members as Mokmok Palabok.
Californians Thoughts On Gays
Internet funnyman Kassem G interviews gays and straight people. Watch this video:
Silent Library
Silent Library is getting the US mainstream attention as MTV 2 features it as one of it's newest comedy shows included in it's balls out comedy. One of their guest stars is world renowned K-1 Dutch Kickboxer, Ernesto Hoost.
Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno
Famous and controversial comedian, Sacha Baron Cohen also known as his 2 very popular alter egos, Ali G and Borat is back as the flamboyant Gay Austrian Fashionista , Bruno.
This movie has a long working title called: Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. Bruno hits the theaters on July 10, 2009.
He goes around the US and interviews a lot of people. Be a friend of Bruno by checking out his meinspace page and get the latest updates of Bruno via Tvitter Amazingly witty and very crude! Watch some of the videos below:
Watch the Bruno Movie trailer:
Resimay (Resume)
RESIMAY
To hoom it mae cunsern
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a
pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Brett
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
Employer's response: Dear Brett
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
See you Monday
Funny Pickup Lines Part 1
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!
I don't know much about pies but DAMN you make my banana cream.
A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What's the moral of the story??? A wet pu**y alway's makes a happy c*ck.
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!
My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast
Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that...your numbers not in it.
I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.
There are 206 bones in the human body... do you want another one?
You know what would look good on you? Me!
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
A boy gives a girl 12 roses. 11 fake, 1 real and he says to her " I will stop loving you when all the roses die"
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Robert Muraine In Ikea Commercial
America's #1 Popper, Robert Muraine locks and pops in an Ikea commercial featuring another lady popper. They look like the perfect popping couple!
Amazing Singing Talent
Forget overnight internet singing sensation Susan Boyle, whose looks were transformed into this Harry Potter-ish Professor image from her Mad Scientist look. There's also 12 year old, Shaheen Jafargholi whose rendition of a Michael Jackson song had stopped Ms. Boyle's prowness. Now Holly Steel has stolen the limelight for fame.
Watch her audition below:
Amazing Blindfolded Rubik's Cube Solver
This guy solved the Rubik's Cube blindfolded and silenced the crowd in a variety show.He had to memorize the position of the colors before he did this amazing feat.
Funny Japanese Skit
Watch this interesting and funny Japanese skit called "Why Is My Girlfriend Mad?"
Frozen People In New York's Grand Central Station
Amazing Prank stuns people at New York's Grand Central Train Station. 200 people participated in this "Frozen People" act sponsored by Improv Everywhere.
Microsoft Job Applicant
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room.
One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if
I stay. I’ll give it a try’
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than 100
people may leave. 2,000 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody but myself, but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500
people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘I left high school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?’ So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to
leave. 498 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but
what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other
candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.’
Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong?’ (What is that, man?)
The other candidate answers ‘Ewan ko nga, pare.’ (I don’t know, buddy.)
Pimple Remover
if you want to remove wrinkles, pimples,
face marks and the 7 signs of skin aging
try....
ADOBE PHOTOSHOP!
10 Commandments of Marriage
COMMANDMENT 1
Marriages are made in heaven.
But so are thunder and lightning.
COMMANDMENT 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
COMMANDMENT 3
Marriage is grand -- and
divorce is at least 100 grand!
COMMANDMENT 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year
of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man
listens. In the third year, they both speak and the
neighbors listen.
COMMANDMENT 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new
or the wife is.
COMMANDMENT 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
COMMANDMENT 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night
thinking about something you say. After marriage,
he will fall asleep before you finish.
COMMANDMENT 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,
understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
COMMANDMENT 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.
COMMANDMENT 10
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..
Cheeky Girls Parody
Charbee & CO. one of the most funniest Korean funny guys around are dancing to the tune of Cheeky Girls.
The Best of Lida & Melina (Mad TV)
These 2 are very funny and was one of the best Mad TV skits ever made.
Condom Ad Slogans
1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
Nora Aunor
Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
TIto Ortiz In Mad TV
Tito Ortiz joins Mad TV as he tries to get into a commercial for Big Man Deodorant.
Mr. Clean
H : Ano ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Clue : "L" ang simula ng pangalan niya.
C : Lifebuoy?
H : Hindi, pero kahawing nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng taong ito.
C : Safeguard?
H : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
C : Safe boy?
H : Hindi siya 'boy' at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
C : Si Mr. Clean!
Erap's Prayer
Gambling father
who art in jueteng
hakot be thy name
thy kickback come
thy wealth be done,
in Wack-Wack as it is in San Juan .
Give me this day
My daily bribe
And conceal all my sins
As I conceal those who sin along with me
And if I am Led into temptation
Deliver me from criticism
For mine is the country,
its power, and its money
forever and ever. Amen.
Response:
Aba Ginoong Estrada
Napupuno ka ng kwarta
Ang panginoon ng jueteng ay sumasaiyo
Bukod kang pinagpala sa lahat ng bobo
At pinagpala ka naman ng kay raming
kulasisi mo.
Project
Nanay:Hoy!Bakit buntis ka?
Anak:wala po i2 nay,project po to.tungkol sa life cycle.
nanay:Sino ama nyan!sabihin mo!
Anak:marami po eh...GROUP PROJECT ksi...
Erap Joke - Prosti
Zamora: "Mr. ERAP, dumarami na naman daw ang mga prosti sa kalsada."
ERAP: "okay lang siguro iyun dahil malapit na ang summer, masarap din naman ang prosti lalo na iyung grape flavor
Erap Joke - Logic
One day, Erap sees Pres. Ramos reading a book on logic.
Erap : Fidel, mahirap yata iyang binabasa mong libro.
Ramos : Hindi, logic lang ito, madali lang.
Erap : Ano ba yang logic na yan, hindi ko yata alam yan.
Ramos : Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : At kung mahilig ka sa isda, mahilig ka rin sa dagat.
Erap: Oo.
Ramos ; Eh di kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo pumupunta sa beach.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : At kung mahilig kang pumunta sa beach, mahilig ka sa babaeng naka-bathing suit.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung mahilig ka sa mga seksing babaeng naka-bathing suit, >eh >>di >> > >lalakeng - lalaki ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung lalakeng - lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kita mo na na, ganyan lang ang logic!
Erap : Okey pala yang logic na yan, ah!
The following day, Erap sees Maceda in the Senate. . .
Erap : Pare,Maceda, susubukan ko lang itong tinuro sa aking logic ni Ramos.
Maceda : Sige nga!
Erap : May aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
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