Erap's Prayer

Gambling father
who art in jueteng
hakot be thy name
thy kickback come
thy wealth be done,
in Wack-Wack as it is in San Juan .
Give me this day
My daily bribe
And conceal all my sins
As I conceal those who sin along with me
And if I am Led into temptation
Deliver me from criticism
For mine is the country,
its power, and its money
forever and ever. Amen.

Response:

Aba Ginoong Estrada
Napupuno ka ng kwarta
Ang panginoon ng jueteng ay sumasaiyo
Bukod kang pinagpala sa lahat ng bobo
At pinagpala ka naman ng kay raming
kulasisi mo.

Erap Joke - Prosti

Zamora: "Mr. ERAP, dumarami na naman daw ang mga prosti sa kalsada."
ERAP: "okay lang siguro iyun dahil malapit na ang summer, masarap din naman ang prosti lalo na iyung grape flavor

Erap Joke - Joan of Arc

Erap went to France to watch the world cup. He was toured around by a French official. "Mr. President, this is Joan of Arc. Do you know her?"

Erap: Of course. She's Noah's wife.

Flight Inquiry

Erap: (sa telepono) Hello, I would like to inquire? how long is the flight to San Francisco?

Operator: Just a minute, sir.

Erap: Really? Thank you.

Curtain Windows

TINDERO: Sir bili na kayo ng kurtina!

ERAP: Sige, bibili ako para sa computer ko!

TINDERO: Bakit po para sa computer?

ERAP: Haler! May Windows din kaya yun!

Erap Choking

ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken bone.

DOC: is it choking?

ERAP: it's max's.

DOC: i didnt mean chowking...i said, r u choking?

ERAP: no.. im serious!

The Prefix "bi"

English teacher to Erap: The prefix “bi” is used to describe things that come in twos like-bicycle, bifocal and binary. Can you give me an example?

Erap: Ma’am, bayag!!

Coffee and Milk

Erap: Bakit mula ng ihalo ko sa kape yon milk na bili mo, lagi na lang ako nagtatae?

Loi: Baka di hiyang sayo. Ano ba brand yan?

Erap: Nivea Milk Creme!