Nanay: nak lutuin mo na yung sardinas..
AnaK: kakaliskisan ko po ba?
Nanay: tanggalin mo na rin ang hasang ng masulit ang katangahan mo hayup ka!!!
Showing posts with label pinoy text jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pinoy text jokes. Show all posts
Sardines
Grandpa
Lolo:Laro tayo.
Lola:ano?
Lolo:Kahit ano wag lang taguan
Lola:bakit naman?
Lola: because a girl like you is impossible to find
lupit ni lolo
Dental Advice
Advice from dentist:
Treat your BF/GF like a toothbrush
Dont let anybody use it..
And change it every month...
Thermometer
Nurse1: hoy gaga bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo?
nurse2: ha? susmaryosep kaninong puwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen ko
Philippine Presidential Candidates
Manny villar - tondo boy
noy noy - mama's boy
Gibo - lover boy
villanueva - Jesus boy
Erap - kanto boy
Jamby - if i were a boy
New Melanie Marquez & Alyssa Alano Quotes
Mga bagong banat ni Melanie Marquez at Alyssa Alano:
-- I'm sick of tired.
-- True good to be true
-- When it rains, it's four
-- Once in a new moon
-- Please don't make fond of me
-- The more you hate, the more you laugh
-- Alma Mother
-- Keep your mouth shock
-- It's just the tip of the icing
-- Connect me if I'm wrong
-- I hope you don't mine
-- I wanna portrait the role
-- The nerd!
-- Will you please give me alone?
Karera
DOY: Ganda ng rolex mo, ah..
BOK: Napanalunan ko sa karera..
DOY: Talaga? Ilan kayong tumakbo?
BOK: Tatlo lang. Yung pulis, yung may-ari at ako.
The Secrets of Being Young
The secrets of being young:
Sleep the right number of hours,
Go with the right crowd,
Eat the right food
And tell the wrong age.
Wanted Boyfriend
WANTED BOYFRIEND:
1. Pleasing PESOnality
2. Good CARacteristics
3. Good family BANKground
4. Good MONEYrism
5. Of course, very CASHual.
May kilala ka ba?
Sikat
There are only three ways para sumikat ngayon:
ONE: Magkaron ng A(H1N1) virus,
TWO: Gumawa ng scandal,
THREE: Maging jowa ni Aling Dionisia.
Lamok
Adik1: Kanina pa nakadapo yang lamok, bakit di mo patayin?
Adik2: Hinihintay kong mabusog para pag hahabulin ko siya,
Magkakaappendicitis siya.
Urine Test
ANAK: Tay, urine test ko raw bukas.
ITAY: O, anong problema?
ANAK: Anong gagawin ko?
ITAY: Tanga ka ba? Eh, di magreview ka.
Manok Baboy Gulay at Prutas
BOY: Ang manok, baboy, gulay at prutas.
GIRL: Hmp! Alam ko na yan nagmamahalan na,tayo nalang ang hindi pa.
BOY: Hindi, lahat yun natikman ko na, ikaw nalang ang hindi.
Microsoft Job Applicant
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room.
One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if
I stay. I’ll give it a try’
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than 100
people may leave. 2,000 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody but myself, but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500
people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘I left high school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?’ So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to
leave. 498 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but
what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other
candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.’
Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong?’ (What is that, man?)
The other candidate answers ‘Ewan ko nga, pare.’ (I don’t know, buddy.)
Nora Aunor
Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
Mr. Clean
H : Ano ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Clue : "L" ang simula ng pangalan niya.
C : Lifebuoy?
H : Hindi, pero kahawing nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng taong ito.
C : Safeguard?
H : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
C : Safe boy?
H : Hindi siya 'boy' at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
C : Si Mr. Clean!
Erap's Prayer
Gambling father
who art in jueteng
hakot be thy name
thy kickback come
thy wealth be done,
in Wack-Wack as it is in San Juan .
Give me this day
My daily bribe
And conceal all my sins
As I conceal those who sin along with me
And if I am Led into temptation
Deliver me from criticism
For mine is the country,
its power, and its money
forever and ever. Amen.
Response:
Aba Ginoong Estrada
Napupuno ka ng kwarta
Ang panginoon ng jueteng ay sumasaiyo
Bukod kang pinagpala sa lahat ng bobo
At pinagpala ka naman ng kay raming
kulasisi mo.
Project
Nanay:Hoy!Bakit buntis ka?
Anak:wala po i2 nay,project po to.tungkol sa life cycle.
nanay:Sino ama nyan!sabihin mo!
Anak:marami po eh...GROUP PROJECT ksi...
Erap Joke - Prosti
Zamora: "Mr. ERAP, dumarami na naman daw ang mga prosti sa kalsada."
ERAP: "okay lang siguro iyun dahil malapit na ang summer, masarap din naman ang prosti lalo na iyung grape flavor
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